The Look
This is not the exact look that I got, but it’s pretty close.
This expression is one of the many wordless ways my humble and sweet husband pulls his feelings out of his emotional wardrobe. This particular one communicates: “loss for words.” It happens a lot in our marriage. I’m going on about something and turn to ask him, “So, what do you think?” He just stares at me, and I either get frustrated and feel like he’s picking on me, or I laugh and thank God for such an adorable husband who loves me enough to keep quiet.
This time he gave me this look after running into the bathroom, thinking that I had seen a huge bug or something. “Honey, you better get in here.”
“What? What happened? I thought we got rid of the roach problem.”
“No. Uh, you better get in here.”
He found me. And then, there was the “look,” after which a long pause consumed us, and a merciless silence hovered over our collapsed bodies as we slowly became weak from crying.
Discovering that I was pregnant again was like a blinding rush of sunlight and then a bucket of icy water poured all over me. Usually I could get impatient with Eric if he gave me “the look,” but this time, we just knelt together on the floor and cried together. We didn’t say anything for about 30 minutes. We just cried. I would like to say that we cried tears of ecstatic joy, but the truth is that they were burning tears of fear, shock, and maybe a little anger. The abridged version of the story is that this was the last thing we expected to find out on a Monday night after some friends left our house from dinner. I was changing clothes and thought, “I don’t look right. I’m going to take one of these tests to make sure.”
For several nights previous to that one we had argued more than usual. We weren’t really happy with each other and weren’t going to God for our joy like we should have. We were looking at our problems as mountains and not seeing God with eyes of truth. This news literally broke us down on our knees and caused us to quit being so selfish and look to God for help. That’s what we should have been doing, after all, all along.
Fast-forward three weeks. We are so happy and excited that God chose to bless us with another baby in His way and His time. These things don’t happen by chance, though some may swear that they do, but they are ordained by our loving, gracious Father who does all things for His glory.
I told a friend last week, “I’m going to be that mom in Wal-mart with three kids who everyone stares at and laughs!” My friend proceeded to comment, “Yes, you are. You really won’t be able to act like you have your act together now. Who cares?! Doesn’t everyone stare in Wal-mart?” I told someone later, “We’re going to have ‘three under three,’ a quirky, mocking phrase that our world likes to tag on people.” I’ve already heard people, even Christians, tell me that we are “crazy” and that we are going to go insane. I just stocked up on smaller size pants. I just loaned all my maternity clothes to a good friend in SC, and now I’m going to have to ask for some of them back again! Eric is going to have to run out at 9 pm to get mexican food for me, and I have to buy that annoying maternity underwear all over again. All that to say — Our hearts are playing hosts to feelings of fear, pressure, and uncertainty, but we are Christians. We can’t live by our feelings. We take them to the feet of Jesus and say, “Here. We tremble before you. Mold our hearts like You want to mold them. You are God.” We want to trust and obey. In this time, like many, we trust by obeying, and we obey by trusting. We are thrilled at the thought of having another child and Lydia and Steven having another sibling. Also, this baby, according to our early calculations, will be due on the anniversary of our Papa and Nanny who just went to be with the Lord. That is amazing.
So there is our news and the reason I haven’t been on my computer in several days! I have morning-sickness more than most people I know in my early weeks of pregnancy, so I could sure use some extra prayer during this time. We will know more about this baby as time moves along. We know that we are going to wait until the birth to know the gender – how exciting!
Other news – pictures from my birthday.
Eric stayed up late and made me a cake! Isn’t it beautiful?!
It was a strawberry face with reeses cups for eyes! We had fun eating it.
I don’t have any pictures of my fabulous birthday lunch celebrating my friend Tammy and me, but you’ll just have to imagine some incredibly yummy homemade taco salads and cake!
My sister Jenn and our friends Brian and Emily and baby Ethan came over to celebrate! My favorite part of the night was the “birthday massage line” we had going on in the living room while Brian watched the Super Bow
l. Just look at Ethan – he’s lovin’ it!
The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul;the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;the rules of the LORD are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold;sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.
Psalm 19: 7 – 11
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11 Responses to “The Look”
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Congratulations! I know I already knew, but officially . . . congrats! You are in our prayers! Happy belated birthday.
WOW!!!! i am pretty much completely shocked!!!! yet, i’m completely psyched for ya’ll. you are definitely a brave mom
haha!!! i gotta say i’m one of those people that says “you’re crazy” for having 3 under 3. but i don’t feel that way about you and eric, cause i know ya’ll are gonna be AWESOME. plus hello, i don’t even know lydia OR steven. but they’re FAR from being difficult children from what i can tell!!!! just do me a favor and don’t take them all 3 for professional pictures!!!!!!!! AAAAAGH!!! those are the HARDEST shoots to do. i’d do yours, of course 
haha but seriously. MAJOR congrats. i really miss you. i hope i can come down and visit sometime! 
love you tons!!!
wow is right. congratulations. i loved the way you told the story though and how God works. hope you are feeling better soon and i will keep it in my prayers.
If it’s a boy, Travis and I think you should name it Micheal George -what do you think?
You know that we are happy for you and are praying that you feel better soon.
whoa.
if you guys ever need help with anything, just ask.
God bless.
Congratulations!! I’m sooo excited! Ya, monica and aaron are waiting to find out too. I’m not very happy about it actually. Anyone ever heard of modern technology? sheesh… lol. I admire your patience, that’s for sure!
I can’t even remember how i found your blog,but I was so encouraged by your transparency and the grace our good Lord shines in your life.I just want to say congratulations.I have 3 under 3 so I know how you feel…overwhelmed.God is good though and you will get through it with little bumps and lots of joy along the way.Your baby will fit perfectly in your family(God is designing him just for you).You’ll have to stretch yourself in some ways and be graceous with yourself in others.That has/is my experience(baby #3 is 2 1/2 mths old now).God bless you!
Danielle F.
Just read your good news! Congratulations! Excited for the expansion of your family Kristi. It’s always suprising that God’s ways are not our ways…and in that state of shock and surprise I’m always reminded that I’m glad that sometimes I don’t understand. God bless you and I pray that the morning-sickness soon ends!
Hey! This is definitely one example of the biblical model of church growth plans! What a precious gift from God! I know the shock that comes upon finding out news of this magnitude when you least expect it! We tried to have a baby for 6 years and could not. Six months into seminary -VOILA! I was pregnant. God DOES have a sense of humor doesn’t he? It is all about HIS time and HIS plan!Anyway, we have a family in our church with 5 children under six. They are WELL behaved, and very routine oriented. Mom or Dad can single handedly handle all 5 without difficulty. So, my advice to you is…..gentle discipline, routine, and schedule. It will make life easier and more fun for everyone! God bless!
elaine from alabama
well… you KNOW i’m excited for you guys. the more friends (fake cousins) for ethan to play with, the better!! it will drive me crazy not knowing if your baby is another buddy for ethan or a future wife, but i will try not to bug you too much about that.
thanks for sharing the lessons you learn through your trials and struggles… God is continuing to use y’all in a mighty way for His kingdom–your sweet kids are evidence of that.
i love you!!
YAY! I’m sooo excited for you guys!! That is awesome news! And Happy Birthday! Oh what a birthday present! You have such a blessed family!